oh, and the dancing fountains at the Bellagio. Did I stand out? You bet a quarter, watch and yell at the fake horses running around in a circle, bet another quarter, repeat. And in really any city, conference facilities are going to be near entertainment options that arent strictly relevant to the business conference, because thats the nature of the city. I get heated at the principle of spouses letting each other do things. First, thank you so much for sharing your insight. I dated a guy like that! We felt safe walking around at 2AM. The big hotels are super experienced and the conference ran just about as smoothly as something of that size possibly could. You can even pick up brochures of holiday packages. Actually, prostitution is NOT legal in Las Vegas and gambling is legal in a Million places in the United States. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation Last I time I checked 2017 hadnt fully turned into The Handmaids Tale and women were allowed to travel for work without permission from their husband. Maybe he's had a long day at work and just wants to relax at home, or maybe he's not feeling well. It has helped me also to understand where that response came from not just the ex baggage, but early childhood experiences damaged his basic trust, which he is working on. I dont see it as misogynist. Agreeded theres some heavy selection bias in that sample. Yeah, there are definitely shady parts of Vegas, in the same way are in almost every city. How To Travel Alone Without Ruining Your Marriage! None which should be affecting your ability to do your job. The hotel was phenomenal, though! If you think Im the type of person who would cheat well Im not interested in spending time with you because you seem to have a pretty horrible opinion of me. I see where youre coming from, Detective, but I think the additions of spiked drinks and kidnappings shift it for me a little bit toward anxiety. Congratulations. I definitely do know what you mean, and what the OP describes is definitely on the problematic side of asking for permission she listed off reasons the husband has given that she shouldnt go to this particular place, not reasons why it would be logistically difficult for him or any other rational concerns. He was so untrusting, I wondered if I had made a huge mistake in marrying him we had only been together for a little over a year before marriage. But, because of Vegass layout & security, those places are no where near the big hotels/conference centers. We went off the beaten track and it was just like any other city. Its a him issue. Yeah, this seems so over the top Im having trouble thinking its just about relationship issues. Vegas and Orlando are excellent places for corporate retreats because theyre relatively cheap to fly to and theyre set up for this kind of thing. This may be the one city where you are on camera every second. The educational health content on What To Expect is reviewed by our medical review board and team of experts to be up-to-date and in line with the latest evidence-based medical information and accepted health guidelines, including the medically reviewed What to Expect books by Heidi Murkoff. The obvious thing is that anxiety, fear and control issues are not rational, and no matter how many times you state the reality, it wont change a thing. When I was fretting over whether to pursue a fantastic opportunity that would require a good amount of travel, he told me, Youve worked too hard to get where you are to not take ANY opportunity you want to take. And he means it. simple path graph example; tahoe blue vodka costco; emt patient assessment cheat sheet pdf Alternar men. I dont have anything else to add to what everyone else has said except that when youre there, I HIGHLY recommend going to Gordon Ramsays BURGR at the Planet Hollywood Hotel. And there, the answer is clear: you have to go. It was a hard thing to learn (Look, Mom, its so simple, just literally never leave the house and Ill never be anxious! sounds SO rational in your head when youre facing lots of catastrophic thoughts!) My husband and I travel a lot for work- including to Vegas! I ate at the bars of a few nice restaurants. You just have to stop a lot--especially if you EBF. He might be in some kind of internet echo chamber, like one of the misogynist subreddits, and all the guys in there told him Shes totes just going there to have sex with random dudes! because thats the way those corners of the internet are. This is definitely a sign of relationship problems and is not normal. If he balks or outright refuses, then that might be a signal that theyre in abusive territory and LW should consider solo counseling to decide how best to handle it. Have never felt nervous yet. Im handling it by biting the dog that bit me and hes not happy. Once when I ended things with a guy Id been dating, he called me a few days later and said hed taken a poll of his friends and they all agreed I didnt have real cause to break up with him so we should resume things. Im guessing its because Vegas sounds like its all casinos and bars and drunk parties, and if I learned anything in college its that bars and drunk parties are teeming with predators. Its notable that he took a of survey of other people to bolster his position. In THAT case, that is a super not-normal response, and its very strange that theres a whole group of people who support this thinking. I also tried talking through some of his wilder concerns. I can believe that he chooses to associate mostly with people who share his views on sin, evil, and temptation. Everyones mileage will vary of course, but thats the choice I made. Is that an issue as well? I was fine. Im sorry, Im not trying to be a jerk, but if you dont think theres anything unwholesome about prostitution (direct quote) I think you may be a cultural outlier. But, sometimes there are letters that just make me want to scream. I think the intent is clear, though; its that the nameless sources would object to their spouses going. So your husband just told you he wants to go away for Labor Day. This concern is not about risk of harm, it is about trust in your judgment. The gambling and drinking are pretty easy to not participate in if you dont want to. The kidnapping angle *might make sense if it wasnt Vegas but, say, Tijuana. Companies hold meetings in Vegas because its a popular corporate destination, not because theyre plotting to destroy employees marriages.). I know its forbidden to comment on typos, but the gamboling is perfect! Anger can feel like a reward I always feel more assertive and more in control when Im angry than when Im anxious (and theres a lot of overlap between anger and anxiety anyway, thanks to physical arousal and adrenaline). My husband knows I am a lone soul sometimes and love my exciting career. My wife and I have two young kids. In neither case do I think you should stay home, and I think youre best able to answer the question of his motivations, and how to deal with them long term. She keeps asking us (no matter how many times we decline) if we need her to buy us Amazon Fresh groceries. (Of course, I live in New Orleans, where we do not need to seek out extra liveliness.) Hey, if they didnt want me to take 2 Jacuzzi baths a day they shouldnt have put a TV in there! I read it as him being anxious and unreasonable. Its not just a place to go party. If all else fails OP can blame in on an alien abduction. I deal with these irrational fears with a sort of ritual where I always leave people I love on a positive note and let them know how much I love them, since the thought is always running through my head that I may never see them again. In the places where its legal, its still only legal at licensed brothelsof which there are 24 in the entire state. But in her mind, as another comment perfectly said, as soon as the sun sets, everyone is a drunk driving, human trafficking, drug kingpin. Its just easier to non-committally agree with someone, especially when their view is bananas, than to get into a row with them and get involved in their marital issues. You have obviously not spent much time in New York City. The letter writer husband is waving some pretty sizable red flags. I read letters like this, and I realize how fortunate both my husband and I are, because its got to be miserable to live with this level of mistrust and anxiety. Which update is that? Yeah, this. And perversely its a lot SAFER than other big cities, because there are eyes everywhere, all the time. My co-worker (who doesnt drink or gamble) went with their spouse a few months ago for a work conference. Congratulations, his friends are ALSO sexist and manipulative. He stresses less when I go somewhere urban. I ALWAYS wonder in these cases if the guy actually did do this, or is just saying that he did to bolster his own stance. I totally went on a family trip to Vegas when I was like 12 or so, and there was plenty of family friendly stuff to do. We did a family vacation to Vegas about six years ago (were about a 4-5 hour drive away). This isnt normal, as you say, and a good husband will support you as you travel. (Not the same thing, but my wife had continuing education there and brought me. You can find prostitution and gambling in lots of cities, large and small, if youre looking for temptation. Its just such a common conference/trade show city! Far from it I want to underline that couples counseling shouldnt be taken as being only for us problems, and that couples counseling can be very effective for problems that rest entirely in one persons lap. Needless to say, I did not find this a compelling argument for reconciling. Do NOT potentially sabotage your career over this, especially if you are the main breadwinner. I mean, she could get kidnapped! When I moved to a big city to go to grad school, I got ALL KINDS of concern, especially when I started working swing shift and got home at midnight! My only regret about that trip was that it was so last-minute I couldnt get a ticket for my boyfriend, who has never been to Vegas and would have also enjoyed wandering through the hotels and playing a few slots for the free drinks. Or its an indication that they live in a different culture than the one you know. I called home from a pay phone on the street around 10pm UK time and she freaked out because I was outside, at night, with nobody around who knew me! The non-work things generally arent my cup of tea and if I want shows/museums/food Ill go to NY, London, Paris, Istanbul. This sounds less like anxiety and more like controlling/abusive behavior. And (2) hes not paranoid, controlling or insecure. Whether he is abusive, controlling, insecure, or driven by unmanageable anxiety we dont know. Agree with the high level of security even on the streets. HE is the one who needs counseling; going together would send the message that its an us issue. That doesnt seem fair! I came home to find my SO sitting on a bench, pissed and worried thought I should have called. OP this is the kind of thing Id bring up in therapy what you will do and what you will NOT do. Work trips tend to not be fun because you spend the whole time WORKING and have no time to go out and have fun. He couldnt leave her in a peace for five minutes on her last business trip, and is questioning the companys motives, all while she is the primary breadwinner? husband doesn t want to go on family vacation It could be an extreme level of anxiety manifesting as control (I cant measure up/if you go away somewhere glamorous youll realize I suck), especially if hes not otherwise doing anything questionable. But, at least in that case, she was 100% aware of the power dynamics she signed up for in entering the marriage, unlike our OP. I say this because I have a hard time believing that someone who had actually been to Vegas would hold these opinions about it honestly its not my favorite place because I find it too crazy and overstimulating, but I have never felt I was in any kind of danger. His friends also wouldnt let their wives go? If he gets therapy and can get his anxiety and toxic masculinity under control, that would be one thing. Id dump him. You could walk up to the bar to order a drink and tell that person you need some assistance and they are on it in seconds. If youre from a community where a spouse needs to sign off on business travel and letting you go is a real thing, I suggest couples counseling to explore that. You travel with the rest of the managers in your company, and I would assume many of them have spouses (and presumably most are able to handle behaving like a responsible adult). Ive been unattached most of my life, and am in a life partnership now. making sure your spouse is okay with big decisions that affect both of you isnt that unreasonable. Pretty much. I really dont care if you pitch a fit. Then disengage. He has terrible night vision and shouldnt drive after sundown, and he is absent-minded and tends to forget to eat when hes working. It feels as if the OPs husband is just latching onto the location as an excuse. Her explanation was that she knew that the sun set around 4:15ish at that time of year and it was dark outside, therefore I should be inside. Yeah the strip can be crazy but so can Disney World. Unless, its a SERIOUSLY homogeneous group, whichis possibleunfortunately. For example, Fiance didnt want me to take night classes for my certification because the parking lot had a lot of trees and shrubs where predators could hideand there were a lot of guys taking these classes. This is controlling behavior and its not about your trip or your safety, its about his anxiety. But please ask yourself if this is an isolated incident, or if there have been other times when your husband has expressed this kind of feeling when you go out with friends for dinner, is it less likely that youll be kidnapped somehow? You need to do this to protect your relationship, because frequent anger is corrosive and damaging. Not for me. The kidnapping/roofie argument is the same nonsense my parents used to justify not letting my sister and me go to slumber parties but my brothers could go on trips to Europe. Speaking as someone whos wife spent 8 months of 10 days on site near Chicago, 4 days home over the last year after 8 years of her doing essentially no business travel, I know spouse separation anxiety far better than I care to both on my part, and my wife. Its adult Disneyland with spendy big-name restaurants, booze and slot machines, at this point. I agree. You cant expect someone with a broken leg to ski down a mountain; you cant expect someone in an irrational state of fear to behave in a reasonable manner *in the moment*. And plenty of men there without their wives. Why would a husband not want to go anywhere with his wife? I had a meeting at a school outside of the city and a friend was shocked that there are elementary schools there. I am from Las Vegas, born and raised there. By contrast, I spent a week this summer at a conference in a not-doing-so-well midwestern city. And if you dont trust your spouse, why would you want to remain married to them? Actually if you go off the Strip theres quite a few things to see and do around Vegas (also non-gambler here), desert hikes, assorted museums (notably neon art & the mob), and my personal favorite the Pinball Hall of Fame which has 100+ playable pinball machines (old and new). I do know some people (who have never been to Vegas!) If anything those are probably among the safer places in the country. Ifthis isjust aone-time thing, and heusually shares himself freely with you, then itmay betime for him tolook atwhy hedidnt want you there inthe first place. I did manage to save the relaionship (even though Mothers anxiety never went away; be prepared for that too) I truly hope that you can save your relationship with your spose, OP. Advising someone that most religious counselors would agree with professional norms doesnt help someone in Bible Belt USA or traditionally Catholic Ireland or in rural Saudi Arabia. (As a sidenote: my mom has been able to do with with my dad a few times when her travel schedule gets crazy. Very true, which is why I separated the two as control/abuse; theyre not necessarily part of the same package. I supervise a manager who falsified an employee write-up but I dont think she should be fired. He also accused her of sleeping with her boss constantly. Please whitelist our site to get all the best deals and offers from our partners. Lastly, there are some religious communities where it would be fairly normal for the husband not to let the wife travel, and for worries about infidelity to be one of the main reasons why. I mean, the worst thing that happened to me in Vegas was that I came back 10 pounds heavier from all the buffets. I dont let him go on trips because we dont manage each others lives like that, but I do support his career and any travel that entails even if its stressful for me. This makes me MAD. Ive had several week-long business trips in CA the last few years and its a non-event. I'm scheduled for a c-section on September 21st and although it's not that far away, it's definitely not as close as I would like it to be. Definitely ask him to go to counseling ASAP to work out these issues in your relationship and like Allison said, if he refuses to go it could be very helpful for you to go alone. You cant leave the house, there are kidnappers everywhere! I wonder if he needs help with general anxiety rather than marriage counselling. Also, in some (not all) work situations, it would be quite weird and out of step for someone to bring their spouse along. the religious environments patriarchal enough that it would be an inherent problem would ALSO have a problem with the woman being the one who works. Your baby may like the car but that is a long ride and a big change for LO so it'll be ok but may not be as smooth as your imagining. And then he interprets the lack of disagreement as agreement. Exactly. You are one strong person, and thanks for sharing your story! I was going to say this, the touristy areas and especially the casinos are crawling with security and cameras. Go on the business trip, set and hold firm limits with him (i.e., if you want to call him at 9 each night, great, but thats it. We arent gamblers either. Also, if the OP is there for work, chances are shell be in meetings all day and then answering emails in her room at night. I talked to a financial planner about my divorce before I decided to go through with it, and it turns out she and I married the same guy too! Adifficult orstressful situation with in-laws can cause undue stress and anxiety, making you feel rejected and undervalued. with his friends, not you. Yall need some marriage counseling. Get that man into counseling, pronto. Whatever the cause, a therapist will best equipped to help. But a positive first encounter with a therapist can change that, because, you know, therapists are trained to defuse and help unpack their misconceptions. Marriage counseling is the only way you save this. THIS. Is this a relationship problem that could be remedied with counseling?