Changes

It is the ego that is self-important and makes much of itself, but depression, self-depreciation and the feeling that others do not like or appreciate your company is also a working of the ego. The first is ‘rajasic’ ego, the second ‘tamasic’ ego. To be occupied always with oneself and the action of others on oneself is ego. One who is free from ego does not trouble about these things. In Yoga one must be unattached and indifferent to these things, concerned only with Sadhana and the Divine and towards others the attitude must be one of quiet goodwill without any demand or expectation. If one can't arrive at this yet, one must always endeavour to arrive at that and not feed the lower vital movement by brooding on these other things. <ref>http://incarnateword.in/cwsa/31/ego-and-its-forms#p38</ref>

These [feelings of hopelessness] are the feelings of the tamasic ego—the reaction to a disappointment in the rajasic ego. Mingled with the true attitude and experience or running concurrently along with it was a demand of the vital, "What I am having now, I must always have, otherwise I can't do sadhana; if I ever lose that, I shall die"—whereas the proper attitude is, "Even if I lose it for a time, it will be because something in me has to be changed in order that the Mother's consciousness may be fulfilled in me not only in the self but in every part." <ref>http://incarnateword.in/cwsa/31/ego-and-its-forms#p43</ref>

...Neither vanity and arrogance nor self-depreciation and false modesty should move you... you must be absolutely impartial and unconcerned. You should be like a mirror that reflects the truth and does not judge. <ref>http://incarnateword.in/cwm/15/12-november-1952#p6</ref>

If there were not a resistance in vital human nature, a pressure of forces adverse to the change, forces which delight in imperfection and even in perversion, this change would effect itself without difficulty by a natural and painless flowering… because everything in you desired that change and your vital was willing to recognise imperfections, to throw away any wrong attitude—e.g., the desire for mere fame—and to be dedicated and perfect… <ref>http://incarnateword.in/cwsa/29/asceticism-and-the-integral-yoga#p22</ref>

The fear, anger, depression etc. which used to rise when making the japa of the names came from a vital resistance in the nature (this resistance exists in everyone) which threw up these things because of the pressure on the vital part to change which is implied in sadhana. These resistances rise and then, if one takes the right attitude, slowly or quickly clear away. One has to

observe them and separate oneself from them, persisting in the concentration and sadhana till the vital becomes quiet and clear. <ref>http://incarnateword.in/cwsa/30/inner-experiences-in-the-state-of-samadhi#p32</ref>

...to seek suffering and pain is a morbid attitude which must be avoided, but to run away from them through forgetfulness, through a superficial, frivolous movement, through diversion, is cowardice. When pain comes, it comes to teach us something. The quicker we learn it, the more the need for pain diminishes, and when we know the secret, it will no longer be possible to suffer, for that secret reveals to us the reason, the cause, the origin of suffering, and the way to pass beyond it. <ref>http://incarnateword.in/cwm/09/13-february-1957#p8</ref>

The main obstacle in your sadhana has been a weak part in the vital which does not know how to bear suffering or disappointment or delay or temporary failure. When these things come, it winces away from them, revolts, cries out, makes a scene within, calls in despondency, despair, unbelief, darkness of the mind, denial—begins to think of abandonment of the effort or death as the only way out of its trouble. It is the very opposite of that equanimity, fortitude, self-mastery which is always recommended as the proper attitude of the Yogi... It takes time, steadfast endeavour, long continued aspiration and a calm perseverance to get anywhere in Yoga; that time you do not give yourself because of these recurrent swingings away from the right attitude. It is not vanity or intellectual questioning that is the real obstacle—they are only impedimenta,—but they could well be overcome or one could pass beyond in spite of them if this part of the vital were not there or were not so strong to intervene. If I have many times urged upon you equanimity, steadfast patience, cheerfulness or whatever is contrary to this spirit, it is because I wanted you to recover your true inner vital self and get rid of this intruder. If you give it rein, it is extremely difficult to get on to anywhere. It must go,—its going is much more urgently required than the going of the intellectual doubt. <ref>http://incarnateword.in/cwsa/31/attacks-by-the-hostile-forces#p16</ref>