Known to bicker and make fun of each other often, its likely that those in the military have a good sense of humor. Officer: Soldier. Im 81 years old, he answered. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them There are three rules in this mess hall- Shut up! During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. 2. How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over? Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Waxing his plane A pilot got up bright and early, and told his wife he was going to wash and wax his plane. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. [Answered]. Whats the difference between the Boys Scouts and the Army? 'There are bold pilots, and old pilots, but very few old bold pilots.' - 1930s Army Air Corps Sign. 16. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. 12. When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. The Marines will kill everyone inside and then set up headquarters. Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . Keep up with Katee on Instagram and linkedin.com. While everyone was concentrating on the task at hand, I held up a spare pin and asked, Has anyone seen my grenade?. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. Airman: "The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside!" Soldier: "No way, you guys had air conditioners? The danger of incident is no jokein 1985, a Japanese 747 airliner lost its tail midflight and plummeted into a mountain, killing 520 in the deadliest aircraft accident involving just one plane . Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. However, a great landing is one where you can use the airplane again afterwards. The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. My friend has a really toxic relationship with Navy vessels. Military 3. Even if you arent in the military yourself, try reading some of these out loud to someone you know in a particular branch and watch as their face lights up. Theyre U.S. AF! Filed Under: Lifestyle, Veteran Life Tagged With: funny, humor, jokes, military jokes. 6, 2 to cheer, 2 to fire the weapon and 2 to take pictures! My granddaughters husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. The Army will post guards around the building. A military captain saying I was just thinking When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. He then added confidentially, Weve already been through three escorts. What do you call a snail that boards a Navy ship? Take a look at the military jokes about the U.S. Marine Corps below to find some hilarious quips. The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? 6. Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Army territory Age: 57 Posts: 26 Likes: 0 Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes As a new poster, I hope you can help me. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. Want more amazing military jokes? you cant do both. 17. Our instructor approached the directionally challenged Marine and stomped on his left foot. All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. I was cold is not a sufficient reason for being caught in the female barracks. A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. Youre the only one I can think of she wont be able to drink under the table.. The soldier swore under his breath at the Marine and told him he wanted to get up and get a drink. Turn it off and watch the pilot start sweating. Sometime later, when the examination was Coffee tastes better if the latrines are dug downstream from an encampment. As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. Hence, the Army will post guards in specific vulnerable areas. StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. It is always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. USN: Helos and some others fell to the ground quickly and did their push-ups. Well, I, too, am a SEASONED Veteran! The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . Landings are mandatory. Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. Attention! Do you know where the sensor is located? my coworker asked. Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? What did the Coastie say when his friends asked why he was getting married? The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. One day you will walk out to your aircraft NOT KNOWING that it is your last flight. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing! We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. On previous visits, she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. Did it work? It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Our puns and jokes are here for the soldiers as well as everyone else to enjoy. Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position", 18. Warren and his wife Joy went to the local Air Show every year, and every year Joy would say, "Warren, I'd like to ride in that helicopter. Rodrigues? What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. A military sergeant lieutenant saying Based on my experience It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. They sure grow up fast, dont they?. I dont see it.. This site contains affiliate links. A LOOtenant! We were a tough group. . ", The student replied, "When I was number one for takeoff sir", 51. ", "Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. Thats my wifes breast pump.. What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar? I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. The main job of the military is to provide the country's citizens absolute protection from both internal and external attacks. We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. A military warrant officer saying Okay now watch this shit. The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Where are you from? St. What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? You will not live long enough to make all of them yourself. When the the Marine came back the Soldier nodded and thanked him for the drink, very pleased he pulled one over on the Marine. Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. A drill serGENTLEMEN! The Air Force will take out a five-year lease with an option to buy at the end. "Last one off the plane has to clean it", 25. It is the law; and it's not subject to repeal. She told me she warships them. You should always use any of that variety of jokes sparingly. The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. All you dummies fall out. As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. Killed bin Laden. This happened several times times throughout the flight. I cant, he said, but thats his worry now., An Air Force pilot says to a seaman, Youre in the Navy but you cant swim?, The seaman replies, Are you saying that since youre in the Air Force youre able to fly?. As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call. The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, 47. What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? He finally comes dragging in at. Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. Now he likes peanuts.. Their one extravagance: a bare light bulb theyd hung from the ceiling. One guy was reading a newspaper article from back home about a congressional investigation into why some troops were living in relative luxury. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. SUB sandwiches! In an attempt to keep, the passengers from standing or moving around before taxiing was completed the Flight Attendant of an internal flight said over the PA, "Ladies and Gentlemen. What do you call someone who joined the military out of spite? I was the tallest guy in line. An Army Drill Sergeant took some recruits the the mess hall. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. !" Marine: "Wait, stop. Fish Food. March forth! 11. The LOUDEST Military Aviation PHOTOS Best Examples Of Aircraft Camouflage Oxcart/Blackbird Wind-Tunnel Test Models Things You Can See Almost Every Day In Dubai July 29, 2020 Fully Loaded Fighter Jets Showing Off July 2, 2020 Comical Google Maps Glitches With Airplanes May 2, 2020 Bomber Aircraft Low Passes. Theres a post recall and he has to go to work. He snapped off a salute and responded, I dont know, sir! Turning to the sergeant, he asked, Gunnery, where is my foxhole? Yes, said the lieutenant. There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane, 20. The Soldier agreed, and when the Marine went to get his drink he started spitting in the Marines boots. To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. Then one day I couldnt find it. Looking for military boot camp jokes? I was the cook.. The irate sergeant scrambled back up amid guffaws and barked, Those who laughed, get down and give me 20! A.J. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. One day you will walk out to your aircraft KNOWING that it is your last flight. No one knows their way around sarcasm more than our U.S. troops. DeFrigNo! But yours is.. 4th of July 2022: Celebrating the Birth of Our Nation & Its Heroes, Military Appreciation Month 2022: Saluting Those Who Serve, Veterans Day 2022: Celebrating Those Whove Served. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. Airline Club Lounge Paradise like kingdom guarded by dragon-like creatures, 59. A drill serGENTLEMEN! Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. These jokes are perfect for anyone in the military to laugh at. Why Do We Celebrate It? 11. Did it work? What do you call a Marine that has an IQ of 160? Pilot "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Auld Lang Slice Related read: When Is Military Appreciation Month? The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. And )second The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. The dog is there to bite the pilot if the man so much . Unless you can be Batman. What do hungry Marines eat? Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. You the eighth, the old Marine answered. What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. Marines Say OOOOORAH! They cant seem to string three Ws together. Grandpapa Johns Pizza. Sidling right up to the student, the speaker shouted in his ear, What would you do for a patient in the event of a nuclear war? An Army ranger, Air Force P.J., Navy seal, and a Recon Marine. 65. 4. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. 39. Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 bomber that had one engine shut down. You might be in the Coast Guard if you claim to have every woman in the port, yet youre at an ashore unit. 1. Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. U.S. Navy Warship: This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I heard this one from my basic training company commander. Ive been sandblasted.. As A.J. Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. Every one knows the definition of a good landing is one you can walk away from. She also liked her scotch. Air Traffic Control 6. Climbing out of the wreckage, Brian asked Tommy, Any idea where we are?, I think were pretty close to where we crashed last year Brian, 5. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. I have been telling the same joke for a lot of years, but today I will change it up. An Airman, Soldier, and Marine are sitting around talking about hardships they faced on their last deployment. 14. ", Warren replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Joy fell out, but you know, fifty quid is fifty quid". Officer: Thats no way to address an officer! If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all, as they should be. Spread the humor by leaving a secret written joke on a neighbor's stoop, a colleague's desk, or mail it to your best friend. 5) The Franco-Prussian War ended in a stalemate and had to be settled by a winner-take-all game of backgammon played by the two countries prime ministers. Dad got quiet. !An angry voice finally replied, My name aint George!. He did his daredevil tricks over, and over again, but still not a word. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. Even those who work in relation to the military, such as the Department of Defense, or know someone that has served, are bound to find a few of these hilarious. It took the poor guy all day. What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? Of course, he responded. Rather than move, he called the bridge: Hey, he said, can you shift the ship 15 degrees? He needed COVER! An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess" He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. March forth! S | Almost replaced left inside main tire. Once at the club, I drove up to the entrance, where the doorman promptly came to the passenger door and assisted my wife out of the car. What do hungry Marines eat? Military Jokes March to the beat of your own drum with these military jokes. What grades do you need to get to join the Navy? Passenger Cargo that talks or Self-loading freight, 58. Fighter Training Manual Airspeed, Altitude, and Brains Two are always needed to successfully complete a flight, 7.