"Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. "In America, anyone can become president. The __qca cookie is associated with Quantcast. If a dog can do it, you can watch. On Sunday, the 29-year-old Angie revealed that not . He was regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comics of all time. This is one of the greatest social and political commentaries of the modern era. They own you. "Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. A provocative new photo shoot has the trolls losing their minds alongside the likes of Noel Gallagher, Bob Geldof, and Azealia Banks. And they own all the big media companies, so that they control just about all of the news and information you hear. This is what we have to offer. An Adobe Analytics cookie that uses a unique visitor ID time/date stamp to identify a unique vistor to the website. This cookie is set by Segment to help track visitor usage, events, target marketing, and also measure application performance and stability. Change), You are commenting using your Twitter account. But, he is wrong here. ", 85. 'You give us a color, we'll wipe it out. It seems only right. Then you live in an old age home. ""Boy, these conservatives are really something, aren't they? 43. He was a regular on the "Ed Sullivan Show," but in the 1970s he became much better known for his irreverent . AddThis sets this cookie to ensure that the updated count is seen when one shares a page and returns to it, before the share count cache is updated. Then you're just what they're looking for. Its called dick fear! Men are terrified that their pricks are inadequate and so they have to compete with one another, to feel better about themselves, and since war is the ultimate competition, basically, men are killing each other in order to improve their self-esteem! ", 77. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family. ", 101. Enjoy! It helps in consumer profiling for online advertising. ", 65. There's a nice campaign slogan for somebody: 'The Public Sucks. Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. Lobbying, to get what they want. "Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist. 234. The great American comedian George Carlin died on June 22, 2008 at the age of 71. "Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? When you leave them in the morning they stick their noses in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you return eight hours later. But dont participate; it will be your death. They own all the important land. "What if there were no hypothetical questions? ", 4. You know what the motto for this country ought to be? They own everything. Its what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. ", 56. No nothing! It does not store any personal data. I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. The people left of center were liberals; the people right of center were conservatives. Everybody complains about politicians. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. CMPRO cookie is set by CasaleMedia for anonymous user tracking, and for targeted advertising. Carlins truth-telling about the influence of corporations in America and the willful blindness that allowed someone like Trump to assume power. "Governments don't want well-informed, well-educated people capable of critical thinking. ", 32. This cookie is set by the provider The Guardian. Weve added years to life, not life to years. "If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? George Denis Patrick Carlin ( May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, actor, author, singer, voice artist, and comedian, noted especially for his irreverent attitude and his observations on politics, language, psychology, and religion, as well as some taboo subjects. George Carlin may be dead, but his spirit lives on. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure. It creates a hostile work environment. "Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? They dont want people who are smart enough to sit around a kitchen table and think about how badly theyre getting fucked by a system that threw them overboard 30 fuckin years ago. Now one of his most famous routines has swept the internet a dozen years after his death. "If it requires a uniform, its a worthless endeavor. ", 19. That's against their interests. This cookie is used as a unique identifier for the BlueConic profile. If he wants to just lecture with his opinions then he gets lectured back with other peoples opinions. Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window), Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window). We're all fucked," Carlin once said. "How can [God] be perfect? 3 queens who slayed while imitating Rep. George Santoss drag alter ego, Kitara Rivache, Libs Of TikTok's Chaya Raichik & Nikki Haley gave CPAC speeches to mostly empty rooms, Tennessee issues trans healthcare ban & nation's first drag ban. This cookie supports the website's live support provider. "The planet is fine. The people are f**ked. Teach them to question what they read. You're down to seven. This gif says it all: Carlins performance is being passed around on social media after a leaked draft opinion from the Supreme Court indicates that Roe v. Wade may soon be overturned, paving the way for abortion to be outlawed in parts of the nation. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. Rubicon Project sets this cookie as an internal user identifier that stores user data to be used for analytics. Cookie associated with embedding content from Snapchat. Now, some people like to twist that around. They dont want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. Transcribed part of speech begins at 10.33 13 May 1999, National Press Club, Washington DC, USA This is an incomplete transcript made by Raven Developers . These George Carlin funny quotes on religion, government, and stupid people will make you laugh as well as think about things deeply. Everything He ever makesdies. George Carlin, The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. ""Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? The 2023 theme was "cooperation in a fragmented world," with WEF noting, "The world today is at a critical inflection point. '", 93. ", 94. "I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. he was a conservative. ""Deep Throat: Think about it. ", 31. "I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. Your culture and entertainment cheat-sheet. TOP 25 QUOTES BY GEORGE CARLIN (of 976) | A-Z Quotes I have major psychotic f**king hatreds. "If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both f**ked. 60+ Hilarious George Carlin Quotes and Jokes | Thought Catalog ", 112. This data helps to customize website content to enhance user experience. . No nothing. You have no right to complain. 125 George Carlin Quotes 1. "When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It's a Big Club, and You Ain't in It: George Carlin as Social and ", 21. In the footage from his 1996 HBO special, "Back In Town," Carlin tears into the pro-life movement: "Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to 9 months. After that, they don't want to know about you. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbyinglobbying to get what they want. ", 9. - Arthur Baer. 87 Best George Carlin Quotes On Education, Politics & Life - Succeed Feed "I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. - George Carlin. Yeah, the public sucks. Like the public. "I don't know if we could count on any parties to get us out this s**t, to be honest. Theyre all in favor of the unborn. In the clip, Carlin says the pro-life movement isnt pro-life at all. ", 115. Join. (LogOut/ "I have as much authority as the Pope. ", 61. "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. "So, have a little fun. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place. George Carlin was right: Donald Trump is America - Salon Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. "If four out of five people suffer from diarrhea does that mean that one enjoys it? Well, we know what they want: They want more for themselves and less for everybody else.". Forget the politicians. Laugh until you gasp for breath. George Carlin, Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school. George Carlin, The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. George Carlin, People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point. George Carlin, Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things. George Carlin, Dont just teach your children to readTeach them to question what they read. George Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic and author. ", 68. Chartbeat sets this cookie to store information about when a visitor has visited the site before. "How is it possible to have a civil war? You have no choice. Theyre not interested in that. George Carlin. George Carlin, Meow means woof in cat. George Carlin, When youre born you get a ticket to the freak show. Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet. Known for his funny and sarcastic quotes, we think you'll get a kick out of his words. 28. r/antiwork. 125 George Carlin Quotes to Make You Laugh, Smile and Think She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. George Carlin is Back from the Dead to Haunt Trump in Devastating I'm used to dogs. In no way does superstitious nonsense like this apply to the lives of intelligent, civilized human beings in the 21st Century. Bing Ads sets this cookie to engage with a user that has previously visited the website. Google DoubleClick IDE cookies are used to store information about how the user uses the website to present them with relevant ads and according to the user profile. ", 124. the fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big, red, white, and blue dick thats being jammed up their assholes every day., This video is completely devastating for Trump. "If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders. This cookie is set by Prebid Server. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. They don't fall out of the sky. "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. ", 46. of American cultural paradoxes.. "'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. And complaining about the politicians. "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. "Sometimes people say, 'Do I try to make audiences think?' 'He's two' will do just fine. The cookie is used to store and identify a users' unique session ID for the purpose of managing user session on the website. They don't want to hear from you. "Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. . Believe me, my friend. . 27 Feb 2023 13:57:17 Teach them to question everything. George Carlin, People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think. George Carlin, Theres a humorous side to every situation. God has a three-day weekend. It sounds like this: What, they have bigger dicks? 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. This cookie is set by the provider Mixcloud. Set aside 30 minutes to watch investigative journalist Whitney Webb speak with MintPress News in the video above. This cookie is used for identifying the geographical location by country of the user. They dont want well informed, well educated people capable of critical thinking. This cookie is installed by Google Analytics. Well what if I don't want to? "People are wonderful one at a time. It's so f**kin' heroic. Ice Cube Shares George Carlin Quote About Politicians: 'They Own You' Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? You think the schools are the way they are by accident? "There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. ", 69. Vimeo installs this cookie to collect tracking information by setting a unique ID to embed videos to the website. George Carlin - It's A BIG Club & You Ain't In It! - YouTube "I put a dollar in a change machine. Everybody's . "You don't know anything about pain until you've seen your own baby . George Carlin on The Late Late Show with Tom Snyder 1998 RayHamburger 95K views 4 years ago George Carlin on the Illusion of Choice in Politics. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. Associated with Amazon Web Services and created by Elastic Load Balancing, AWSELB cookie is used to manage sticky sessions across production servers. ", 20. God has a three-day weekend. George Carlin, The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. Part of HuffPost Entertainment. ", 62. "Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight? "People are fucking nuts. Simple thing. Everyone Practices Cancel Culture | Opinion, Deplatforming Free Speech is Dangerous | Opinion. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Everything He ever makes dies. July 18, 1999 - George Carlin - 2002-02-01 - VOA ", 29. ", 34. "Life is not measured by the number of breath we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. They believe a womans primary role is to function as a broodmare for the state.. "The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money. George Carlin may be dead, but his spirit lives on. G eorge Carlin was ahead of his time. (LogOut/ Germany lost the Second World War. It's kind of bread-and-butter liberal (which during the counterculture 60s was pretty radical, but maybe not very en vogue with a younger crowd nowadays who are a bit more lefty). They dont want well informed, well educated people capable of critical thinking. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. "The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it. "I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me theyre cramming for their final exam. George Carlin : And I'll guarantee you one thing: you start executing, you start nailing one white banker per week to a big wooden cross on national TV, you're gonna see that drug traffic begin to slow down pretty fucking quick. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. This information is used to pick out ads delivered by the platform and assess the ad performance and its attribute payment. I took his shoes. '""The difference between left and right of centeroriginated in the Frenchparliament. September 12, 2019. ""Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. "How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelette? They own everything," the quote reads. You have OWNERS! ", 14. 42. Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. George Carlin. The cookie is used for storing the start and end of the user session for nielsen statistics. "Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? 41. Maybe something else sucks around here like, the public. No neonatal care, no daycare, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. George Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote "Boy, these conservatives are really something, arent they? A cookie set by YouTube to measure bandwidth that determines whether the user gets the new or old player interface. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning. 2. ", 42. I didn't bother with him. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. And nobody seems to notice. Angie Kent - Latest news, updates, gossip, photos and video | Daily Its you. ", 43. [5] And another one: To avoid conflicts, each partner's ID is stored using separate cookies, which are merged to the ljtrtb cookie when it is available. "Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. ", 118. He famously said he didn't vote, so he couldn't be to blame for whatever shit show we got ourselves into. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. "Atheism is a non-prophet organization. "There's no present. And generally speaking again it's all generalized the left-of-center people are more concerned with humans and human beings and human concerns; to the care of humans, not the care and worry about property rights. ", 30. Casale Media sets this cookie to collect information on user behavior, for targeted advertising. The challenge is to find it. "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. Amen and Awomen. He's not a cheese. Thats against their interests. Here's Why George Carlin's 1996 Rant on Pro-Life Conservatives Still This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. On July 26, a 2-minute video created by Pattern Integrity Films was published on YouTube, and it quickly took off via social media. In the footage from his 1996 HBO special, Back In Town, Carlin tears into the pro-life movement: Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to 9 months. ", 52. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. "You show me a lazy p***k who's lying in bed all day, watching TV, only occasionally getting up to p**s, and I'll show you a guy who's not causing any trouble. "People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point. George Carlin's Funniest Political Quotes - LiveAbout He saw it from a . If they say, Were the So-and-Sos, take a walk. They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. "If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isnt the whole airplane made out of that stuff? If youre pre-born, youre fine, if youre preschool, youre fucked.. Theyre not interested in that. No president has done right by us. Politics Notify me about new: Board Topics. Related: When it comes to mass shootings, the problem isnt Republicans or the NRA. "Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away. George Carlin Shitting on Government for 8 Minutes Straight Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features.